Mini Assignment #2
Listen up, you brown-nosing art kids! That’s right. It’s your friendly neighborhood nightmare, Deadpool, here to offer up some warm and fuzzy suggestions as to HOW TO GET THE FUCK OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE and STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF. ‘Cause Leigh here fancies herself some kinda “professional” and she skirts around the damn point. (Calm down, you’re never gonna be Annie Leibovitz!)
Anywhoodie, I heard ya wanna stop being fake af. Any self-respecting person would already know the following, which is why you desperately need to ram this down your ear holes:
- STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THIRD PERSON. Only Deadpool is allowed to do that. You just seem desperate.
- Those apparel brands aren’t indie anymore. Supreme and Stussy are practically household names. Punk is dead and it won’t be revived through stubbornly wearing Doc Martins.
- Smoking cigs is for wimps. Admit it. You only do it for the aesthetic. The world has moved on to bigger and better things. Like ketamine.
- Selfies in a spit-stained mirror are reaaaaaally cute… If you’re trying to entice someone to spray a different body fluid all over you. (I volunteer as tribute!)
- Trash on a plinth is just trash on a plinth. Painting a toilet seat is not provocative. (Cute that you fantasize about the day someone will one day give enough of a shit to spend thousands just to buy what you’ve literally shat on.) The last time this tactic was cool was literally over a hundred years ago. I could go on, but this really says it all:
Humanity deserves better than that, even from you paint-sniffing ne’erdowells…
So! Now that you darling little turds know what not to do, here’s are three artists that I’d 100% murder someone for: